[Principal Franklin laughing]
- Ahem.
- Carly, get in here right now.
[Snaps]
- Have a seat.
So I understand
you put some flyers up
all over the school.
- Yes, I did.
- Why would you photodoc
my head onto the body
of a rhinoceros?
- Well, I--
- rhinoceros? Oh, no, no, no.
She made you a hippopotamus.
- No, no, she's a rhinoceros.
A hippo has fatter thighs
and a wider snout.
- Oh, oh, oh, what
does it matter?!
I think
we should call her father
in to discuss this.
- Um, my dad's stationed
in Europe right now.
- He's in the military.
- Well, there must be
some adult in charge of her.
- My older brother, Spencer.
- Oh, yes.
"The artist."
- He's a great artist.
- Look, we don't need
to call her brother
in about this.
I'm sure that you can come up
with a suitable punishment.
- Fine.
You know, Carly, I am in charge
of the talent show this year.
- Yeah,
you're holding auditions
on Saturday.
- No. You are.
- Huh?!
- I will be enjoying
my Saturday
while you videotape
the auditions for me.
- No, I'm going to see
cuddle fish play live
at the hawthorne on Saturday.
- Not anymore.
- Aw, come on!
- It's what you get
for turning me
into a hippopotamus.
- Rhinoceros.
- Get out!
- Right.
- In five, four, three, two.
[Music]
* I know you see,
somehow the world
will change for me
and be so wonderful,
live life, breathe air,
I know somehow
we're gonna get there
and feel so wonderful,
it's all for real,
I'm telling you
just how I feel,
so wake up the members
of my nation,
it's your time to be,
there's no chance
unless you take one
and the time
to see the brighter side
of every situation,
some things are meant to be,
so give me your best
and leave the rest to me,
leave it all to me,
just leave it all to me *
[music]
- Aah! Let me go!
- Say you're sorry.
- I'm sorry!
- And what are you sorry for?
- For saying you're aggressive!
- And what am I again?
- Pretty and sweet!
- Thank you.
Now the next time--
ow! Hair, hair, hair! Oh!
- Hi!
- Did you get in trouble?
- Course I got in trouble!
Teachers tend to get upset
when you put their heads
on the bodies
of big, fat animals!
I can't believe
I let you talk me
into taking the blame for you!
- You had to.
I've already been suspended
once this semester.
If I'd gotten busted,
they'd have expelled me.
- Well, here's an idea.
- What?
- Stop doing bad things!
- Hey, chillax.
- I will not chillax.
And get excited
'cause you and I get to spend
our entire Saturday here,
videotaping kids' auditions
for the talent show.
- What-ev.
- You know, anybody but me
would punch you
right in the head.
- Which is why
you are my best friend.
- Good to know.
Now, why are you mine?
- Because I'm a lovable person!
- Aah!
[Music]
- You dropped this.
- Um, thanks, but you--
- I was gonna walk you home
from school,
but I couldn't find you. Hey!
- Freddie, were you
just looking out your peephole
waiting for me to come home?
- No.
- Freddie?
- Yes.
- I thought
we talked about this.
We can be buds,
but you got to get over
this crush thing.
- I am over it, seriously.
I'm in love with you,
you just wanna be friends,
and I'm totally cool
living with that constant pain.
- Oh, god.
- I'm home.
- Hey, kiddo!
Up here!
Just takin' some pics
of my robot sculpture.
Smile. Yeah.
- You know,
for most eighth-grade girls,
if they came home and found
their 26-year-old brother
dangling upside down
from the ceiling
over a giant robot
made out of soda bottles,
it'd be weird.
- You're saying I'm abnormal.
- Do I need to say it?
Come down from there
before you hurt yourself.
- No worries.
I got my leg wrapped around
this pipe. Aah!
Ooh!
- Please help me stand up.
Oh.
- Are you all right?
- Uh--nope.
I dislocated my shoulder again.
One sec.
Aah!
[Thud]
Yep, that fixed her.
- Good.
So, listen, I need a favor.
- Shoot.
- I have to tape
a bunch of auditions at school
on Saturday.
- Fun.
- Yeah, not really.
Anyway, would you let me borrow
your video camera?
- I would.
- Awesome.
- Though, I can't.
- Why not?
[Chuckling]
- I made it into a squirrel.
- I told you the front doors
would be locked.
You gotta go around
to the blue doors in the back
of the--oh, my god!
- What do you think
of my equipment?
- I just asked to borrow
your video camera.
What is all this?
- Well, that's a three-chip
high-def camcorder
with a hyper-cardioid
condenser microphone
mounted on a carbon fiber tripod
with a low drag fluid head.
I also brought you juice
and a bagel.
- Hey! You invited the doof.
- Sam.
- Oh, man.
I didn't know
that was gonna be here.
- "She."
I'm a she, Freddie,
as in "girl."
- Keep your hands off
my a-v equipment!
- You mean I can't play
with the white balance
on your super-Dee duper-Dee
camcorder?
- Ah, sure! Everybody jokes
about the white balance
till the skin tones go magenta!
- Ahem!
Carly will never love you.
- That's it!
I'm taking my stuff,
and I'm goin' home!
- Please stay.
- Okay.
[Music]
- Okay, Jeb,
you ready to audition?
- Yeah.
I will be performing a scene
from a French play called
la ou est ma femme.
- Oh-kayyy...
- We don't know
what that means,
but knock us out.
Rolling?
- Uh, rolling.
- Ahem...[As younger frenchman]
But...But where did she go?
[As older frenchman]
I don't know!
[As younger frenchman]
But when will she be back?!
[As older frenchman] I don't
know!
[As younger frenchman] Well,
where can I find her?!
[As older frenchman] I tell
you, I do not know!
- Okay!
- Nice job!
- Whoo! Whoo!
- Yes!
What'd ya think?
- [French accent] I don't know!
- [French accent] You don't
know?!
- I tell you, I do not know!
- But you must know!
- How can I know
when I do not know?!
- I don't know!
* * * *
- I will play the trumpet.
- Great.
- Nice.
- While hopping
on this pogo stick.
* * * *
- that's what
I'm talkin' about!
- Great show!
- You go, girl!
- Yeah!
- Pogo-tastic!
- That's awesome!
- Jump and blow!
- So the doc says,
"why'd you wait so long
to bring her in?"
So I say, "I like the eggs."
Ha ha ha ha!
[Both laughing]
- Hey! Yeah, that's awesome.
- Thanks.
- Not that funny.
- No, no, not at all.
- No.
- But forget that.
Can we please discuss
the boy's hair and glasses?
He looks like miss Briggs.
- Yeah.
Except he doesn't have
Ms. Briggs' crazy pointy boobs.
- I know.
What is up with those?
- It's like she stuffs
waffle cones in her bra.
- Totally.
I mean, she can poke an eye out
with one of those things.
- Okay, okay.
We better keep going.
We still got eleven more kids
to see.
- Oh, eleven?
- Calm down.
They can't get worse.
[Beat boxing]
And I was wrong.
[Beat boxing]
[Music]
Man, on TV: What are you two
fightin' about this time?
Second man: This--this monkey.
Animal: Marmoset!
- Moron says
that you already know
about your surprise party,
and I say you don't.
- Sam?
Man, on TV: Surprise party?!
- Sam?
Marmoset and man: Surprise!
- Wake up.
[Yawning]
- What time is it?
- Late.
What time is your mom comin'
to pick you up?
- She's not.
I told her you invited me
to spend the night.
- I didn't invite you
to spend the night.
- Well, you should
'cause I'm not leavin'.
What you doin'?
- Checkin' to make sure Freddie
put the auditions online.
I told miss Briggs
we'd upload 'em
on splashface tonight
so she could watch 'em
in the morning.
- I kinda hate miss Briggs.
Remember when she called me
a demon?
- No!
- Oh, yeah.
It was when I put
that raw chicken in her purse.
- Shut up
and come look at this!
- What? Freddie didn't upload
the auditions?
- No, he uploaded us!
- What?!
- Look!
Carly, on computer: It's like
she stuffs waffle cones
in her bra.
- Totally. I mean, she--
Sam: That's you and me!
Carly: Sure is.
- He wasn't supposed
to film us!
We were bein' all goofy
and acting like idiots all day.
- Oh, my god.
We made fun of miss Briggs
and her crazy pointy boobs!
- Whoa. If she sees that--
- anyone can see it!
It's on splashface!
- Okay, okay, chillax.
Look, see the view count?
Only 27 people
have clicked on it.
- Oh. Okay, good.
Sam?
- Yeah?
- That's 27,000!
[Music]
[Freddie screaming]
- Quit it, Sam!
Let go of my foot!
Too much friction!
Let go!
What is the matter with you?!
- Why'd you film us
at the auditions today?!
- Oh.
'Cause you guys
were being funny.
- Well, you shouldn't have
put us online
without our permission.
- I didn't.
I edited you guys out
before I uploaded the auditions.
- No,
you did the opposite of that.
- What?
There's no way I--uh-oh.
- Yeah.
- Just take us off the site.
- Okay, okay.
Just give me a sec.
- Oh, this is so not good.
Anyone--anyone in the world
can just click
and see everything we did
and said today.
- It's so embarrassing,
and if miss Briggs sees that--
- don't even talk about it
'cause if she--
- ha, got it.
See, it says, "at your request,
this video will be removed."
- Finally.
- "Tomorrow morning."
- Freddie!
- Do you know how many more
thousands of people
can view it by then?
- All right.
Look, before you get
all freaked out,
splashface has message boards.
- So?
- So, let's see
what people are saying
about the video.
Um, okay, here's one.
"Carly, you and your friend
"Sam crack me up.
Funny stuff."
- Great. So one kid thinks--
- wait.
Slackerboy314 writes,
"Carly and Sam,
"you chicks are hilarious.
When's your next show?"
And this kid says,
"you guys are way better
"than most of the puke here
on splashface."
- Wow. They love us.
- Yeah. More than puke.
[Music]
Where's miss Briggs?
What if she saw it?
- The video was off
by yesterday morning.
- What if she saw it
before it was off?
- It was Sunday.
She was probably in church.
- What church
would let miss Briggs
in the door?
- Shh, shh!
- Hello, Carly, Samantha.
- Howdy.
- Morning, miss Briggs.
Um, we had some trouble
putting the video online,
so here's a DVD of every kid
who auditioned on Saturday.
- Thank you.
- Sure.
- I'll try not to poke
a hole in this
with my pointy bosoms.
- She saw the video.
- We're so sorry.
- Uh, miss Briggs.
- What?
- I typed up a list
of all the kids we think
should be in the talent show.
- Snorting milk?
Pogo stick hopping?
These aren't talents.
- They were the most fun kids
to watch.
- Pfft. Goodbye.
- Wait.
So you're not gonna let
any of the kids we picked
be in the show?
- That's right. Girls.
[Boy beat boxing]
- No one enjoys that!
[Music]
I am so mad!
- Me, too.
I need some ham.
- Seriously,
miss Briggs is the worst.
- You don't gotta convince me.
I hated her even after she got
that brown lump
removed from her nose.
[Knock on door]
- I'll tell you somethin'!
She is what's wrong
with the world.
- Who's what's wrong
with the world?
- Miss Briggs.
- Oh. Well, hey, at least
she got that brown lump
taken off of her nose.
- I just hate it
when adults like her
get to control what kids can do
and see.
It ticks me off.
- Why do they put a bone
right in the middle of a ham?
- Hey.
Remember all that stuff
these kids wrote about us
on the message boards?
- Yeah.
- Things like,
"you guys should upload
more videos,"
and, "when's your next show?"
And, "we want more"?
Let's give 'em more.
- More?
- Okay,
what are we talkin' about here?
- Doing a web show online
every week.
- Why?
- 'Cause it can be
whatever we want it to be.
No adults to say,
"you can do this.
You can't do that."
We can do whatever we want,
say whatever we want.
- Would it mean I have to do,
like, work and stuff?
- Well, if you're gonna do
a show,
you gotta prepare for it.
- Eh, then make it your show.
You do the work,
I'll just show up
and be your amusing
little sidekick.
- Wait.
What's the show gonna be about?
- Anything.
Something different every week.
But for the first show,
kids with bizarro talents.
- Ah, clever.
Miss Briggs says, "no, no, no."
We say, "yeah, yeah, yeah."
- Hey.
Why don't you guys
call your show icarly?
You know, "I," Internet.
"Carly," you.
- I like it.
- Icarly's cool.
- And, um, you're gonna need
a technical producer, right?
Set up the lights, audio,
work the camera.
- Aw! He wants to be our geek.
- You got a big mouth, lady!
- Hey. Look what someone
just left in the dumpster.
Isn't she amazing?
- Hey, can we use
the third floor
as kind of a TV studio?
- I don't know.
- Thanks!
- You rock!
- Later!
- Wait! I didn't say--
why do you need--okay!
Later!
[Music]
Freddie: Fifty-two seconds!
- Sam, come on!
- Sorry. I had to pee.
- You always have to pee.
- Well, it's either that
or I explode.
Freddie: Forty-five seconds!
- We're on our way up.
- You know what to do?
- Yes.
[Speaking over each other]
- We sit together,
me on the left,
you on the right,
camera opens up on that sign,
pans down to you and me,
Freddie cues us,
I welcome the people,
and then I introduce you,
we chat, then we bring out
all the kids
with the crazy talents.
You got it?
- I'm down.
[Elevator bell dings]
- Twenty seconds.
- Here we go.
- I look good?
- Perfect. Me?
- Oh, well, you got somethin'
in your teeth.
- What?! Get it out!
Get it out!
- In six seconds,
five, four, three, two, and--
- hey, there, people of earth.
I'm Carly shay, and this is
our very first Webcast
of a little show
we call icarly.
- She's Carly.
- She's Sam.
- Sam, I am.
- Carly, Sam.
- I think they're clear.
- Demonstrate the thing.
- Oh, yeah.
With this item, provided
by our dorky friend Freddie--
- that's disrespectful!
- We can do this...
[Presses button,
cheering noises]
And this...
[Jeering noises]
And this.
[Dance music playing]
[Cheering]
[Presses button, music stops]
- Okay.
Tonight, we're gonna show you
some kids
with super insane talents.
- * freak show *
- stop it. Okay.
This first kid
we're gonna show you
can take a glass of milk...
- This is so deliciously gross.
- Snort the milk
up into his nose.
- It's the best thing ever.
- And then make the milk squirt
out of his eyes.
- I wanna marry this boy!
- Let's bring him out.
Simon Kendal.
- You're up, dude.
[Cheering]
- Okay, Simon,
you ready to blow people away
with your freakish talent?
- Do it!
- Let's go.
- Drum roll.
[Drum roll]
[Carly and Sam screaming]
- Oh, my god!
Okay, this is insane.
- Tell the people your name.
- Brennan yubberly.
- Yubberly.
- Yeah, yubberly.
- Okay, any word you say,
Brennan can say
backwards perfectly.
- He's a backwards talker.
- Check this out.
- Ointment.
- Tnemtnio.
- Yes! Okay.
Uh, slippery watermelon.
- "Yreppils nolemretaw."
- Do you hear this?
- We love this boy.
- Okay, okay.
Say, "I must be
"from planet Jupiter
"because there's no other way
"I could be saying
all this backwards."
- "I tsum eb
"morf tenalp retipuj
"esuaceb sereht on rehto yaw
"I dluoc eb gniyas
lla fo siht sdrawkcab."
[Carly and Sam screaming]
- Did you hear that?
- Insanity!
- Ytinasni!
- That's enough, Brennan.
[Carly and Sam cheering]
- Great job! Wonderful!
- Whoa.
Lookin' at that goat
made me hungry.
- Well, you can eat soon
because the very first Webcast
of icarly is almost over.
[Presses button]
Audience: Awwww!
- No, no, don't be sad.
We still got one more kid
with a weird talent,
but first...
- Here's some stuff
you need to know.
- If you liked our show,
tell your friends...
- Your cousins,
people you like...
- People you hate...
- All people of this planet...
- That we're gonna be here,
live, online,
every week at icarly.Com.
- In fact, next week,
Carly's gonna take
my tonsils out right here.
- She's lying.
- But how awesome
would that be?
Oh, and if you wanna send us
a video...
- Of you doing
or saying anything cool...
- Tellin' a joke,
eatin' a bug...
- Just e-mail the video clip
to us...
- Carly and me...
- Me and Sam...
- At icarly.Com.
- And if it's cool enough...
- We'll show it right here
on icarly.
- Okay, our last freakishly
talented kid's name
is Taryn James, and she's
about to play us out...
- With her trumpet.
- But with a little
extra twist.
Hit the button.
Get out here, Taryn.
- Whoo-hoo!
- Yeah! Yeah!
- Come on out!
- Yeah!
- Go, girl! Uh-huh!
- Yeah!
[Cheering]
* * * *
- oh, amazing!
- Look at that!
- How does she play?!
- It's awesome!
It's so cool!
- Oh, my gosh,
I wish I could do that!
- Looks like fun!
- Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo!
- Well, thanks for watching!
- Yeah, and tune in next time!
- Yeah!
- Oh, my gosh,
this is so much fun!
I wish I could do that!
- And we're clear!
- Yes! We did it!
Whoo-hoo!
- Yeah!
- This is so cool!
- That was awesome!
You guys did so great!
[Everyone talking excitedly]
[Music]
- Oh, here it is!
- How many?
- 37,000!
[Carly and Sam screaming]
[Talking excitedly]
- Aaah!
- Whoo-hoo!
- Yes! Yes!
- Why are we happy?
- 'Cause our very first
web show rocked.
- And it was watched
by over 37,000 people.
- Get out!
My baby sister's a web star.
- Hey, we should have a party,
you know, to celebrate.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, that'll be so cool.
- Yes. Yes, we should.
But it shouldn't be
a normal, regular party.
- Oh, no.
- It needs
to be something different,
something wonderfully random.
- Crazy hat party?
[Dance music playing]
- Hey, cupcake.
- There you are.
Nice hat.
- Back at ya.
- Hi.
Um, can I get your autograph?
- We love icarly...
- Your web show.
- Um, sure.
- No prob.
- There you go.
- Thanks.
- Sure.
- I love you, Carly.
- Wow.
I just signed an autograph.
- Get used to it.
Icarly's a great show.
You might get famous.
- Yeah.
I don't know
if I'm gonna like that.
- Hey, saw your web show.
Pretty hot.
- Um, thanks.
- Yeah, thanks a lot.
- So, you guys wanna dance?
- Yes.
- Cool. Let's do it.
- I'm gonna like it.
[Boy giggling]
- Hey! Hey, stop that!
Put her down!
She's not for you!
Aw, this is pitiful!
Who invited you!
[Music]
- Whoo!
[Music]
[Cheering]
[Captioning performed by
peoplesupport
transcription & captioning]
[Oven timer dings]
- Mmm!